I am supposed to be doing my assignment or just sleep.
But, I couldn’t. I felt so burdened. In my heart, I am asking myself, had we really stepped in too much.
Every year, I see different problems arising in a committee. Especially the concert committee. Why? Is it really so difficult to work well in a group?
A lot people will tell me. You asked for it. Nobody asked you to KPO so much. Graduate so long already and yet still KPO so much!
In my heart, I always want to let go and let them do and fail. Allowing them to learn thru the hard way and grow. But, I just don’t want to see them go thru what I had went thru.
It wasn’t easy for me during my times. I sacrifice a lot for this 4 letter word – SPCO. I sacrifice my health, my relationship, my friendship, my freetime and even my studies just to make sure this club grows from glory to glory.
I am not trying to show off how great I am. I am not as good in skills and English like EkJun. My temper is not as good as Mervyn. The only thing I am able to do is to sacrifice.
I guess I am the most “pai mia” president even in SPCO history. Have you tried before, the whole committee simply wanting so much of power and they stand against you? Questioning your ability and decision. When in fact, the committee was actually hand-picked by you. The feeling sucks even more when they were your so-called BFF in the club.
I am not trying to dig things up and show people how much hard work I had done and how much shit I had went thru. I just want to put the message across. The message of “if you think you are very pity, there are even more pity people than you”
When I was a year 1 in SPCO, I behaved like an old bird. Just simply because I was a guest player before I became a SP student. Thus, I ended up practicing even harder just because I was fucking lousy in playing zhongruan.
I still remember, how I was made the logistic IC 1 month before the annual concert. Having to do up the stage plan in just 2weeks. The first week when I received the news and 1 week before concert. Reason being, the other 2 weeks was final exam. I was performing in all the songs including percussion piece except for the erhu solo. I dreamt about the instruments, chairs, music stands, stage plan chasing after me. I almost broke down before the last practice before the concert just because of a sentence that a senior commented. I simply snapped.
I still remember, how rude I was to a senior who ended up being the one of them that helped me the most, encouraged me the most when I am so depressed and discouraged with all the things that are happening to me.
I still remember, how I blogged about my sectional leader. Talking about how useless was she as my sectional leader. Ended up having a long blog-war with that sectional leader.
I still remember, how my lecturers will come and tell me, “rongping ah rongping! stop going for your CO any more. please concentrate and come regularly for classes!!”
I still remember, how pissed and angry I was when SPCO got the excellence in service award (group) because I don’t feel that we should have gotten it with just me putting in the effort to make things work.
I still remember, how often I actually broke down in front of people because of the stress and pain I had from SPCO.
BUT, the only thing I can’t remember, is the memories I had with SPCO.
It is a place where I have learnt so much things.
It is a place where I have put in so much effort.
I hate the fact that I teared even when I am typing this post.
I just hope that everybody in the committee will learn how to look at things at a different view.
It is not that we just to say and not do anything. We are unable to do every single thing for every single one. If we were to, it would turn out to be our alumnus concert and not SPCO concert. It isn’t that we just provide eye-power. But by spoon-feeding, we are not helping, but we are putting you all in a losing position.
First, you learn nothing coz Everything is given to you.
Second, it makes you all no difference from a primary school kids.
Third, if you think poly life is scary. working life is worse.
I really hope to see changes. Better attitudes, more willingness.
All the best, SPCO!
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justme 
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